THE OTHER SIDE OF AS IF
A few days ago Tracey wrote a blog that was compelling, instructive and insightful. “As if” dealt with the insanity of treating people as if they were not the addicts, gossips, meddlers, or whatever stripe they actually were. Treating them as if they were not what you know them to be. A great observation about unreasonable expectations and inevitable disappointment. I read the blog and thought, “Now what do I do!’ Because, for years I’d witnessed the other side of that metaphoric coin. Had seen the positive effects of ‘acting as if!’
Did her truths cancel mine? I don’t think so.
I’m an alcoholic. Unable to make it through a day without my vodka and cocaine I entered rehab where I admitted that I was powerless over my disease. To survive I’d need the help of a power greater than myself. Not a problem for me as I’m a major believer in the Big Amigo. More so every day. It felt natural for me to hit my knees, look upward and admit, “I’ve screwed this deal up almost beyond repair! I give it to you and know you’ll do a much, much, better job. Thanks, your friend Paul. Amen.
For many alcoholics and addicts who are non-believers, atheists or agnostics, it is suggested that they ‘act as if’ they believe. When you’re desperate enough you’ll try anything. For many this ‘delusional dependence’ on a power they couldn’t conceive of worked miracles. They stayed sober and ‘making believe they believed’ was a perfectly effective tool. Like the teddy bear, the transitional object we turn to for comfort as children, the fantasy Father provided a bit of calm in the storm and the opportunity to make sober choices.
Unlike the Teddy Bear that was soon discarded as a childish attachment most alcoholics came to depend on a real relationship with a Higher Power.
Tracey’s blog, examining the down side of ignoring key elements in someone’s basic character traits is spot on! Her take away that you were setting yourself up for major disappointments by participating in that living lie makes complete sense. Hers was an ‘as if’ that was asinine! And I agree. Clear vision, the courageous act of seeing people for who they really are and then choosing the appropriate way to deal with the information makes complete sense.
But, I’m also a great believer in the power of ritual and repeated healthy behavior having a cumulative effect on our outlook. Nothing turbo charges a weight loss program like stepping on the scale and seeing the spinning number wheel stop several pounds below the previous billboard of dismay! Lost 4 pounds? Hooray! By acting ‘as if’ there was a power to keep you away from the sugar and moving till exercise became it’s own reward seems to me to be a terrific ‘as if’.
The fact is that in context there is truth in both sets of ‘as if’s’. Language is a tool and English is notoriously tricky. It may have been George Bernard Shaw that discovered FISH could be spelled “GHOTI”. You take the GH from rough, the O from women and the TI from nation and you’ve got fish. Ghoti. A testament to the investigative mind of man or proof that even literary giants sometimes have too much time on their hands? The glory of language is that we attempt to use it to instruct, heal and entertain. For me the eraser or delete button are equally useful as I search for just the right tone to keep me on track and living in Gratitude and Trust.
Paul Williams is a singer, songwriter, actor, recovery advocate and has been a fixture on the American cultural scene since the seventies. His book Gratitude and Trust is now available.