THE NON-NON BELIEVER
When I was a child of eleven or twelve I started going to different churches with my friends. Truth be told it was my first theater. Again and again in a variety of faiths I answered the calling and was ‘saved’. This little toe headed boy walking solemnly down the aisle to the altar, giving his soul to The Lord managed to touch the hardest hearts in the congregation. I was adorable. I loved the attention. I loved the love. Show biz Bible belt style.
Don’t get me wrong. I was also enamored with the probability that what I was doing made sense. That someday my devotion would open up those legendary pearly gates. I’d be welcomed as an honored guest or returning family member, home at last. Baptist, Methodist, Seventh Day Adventist. If there’d been a mosque in Lucasville Ohio I’d have been there. Kneeling before almighty Allah in supplication. I was starring in a one-boy pre pubescent passion play and the reviews were terrific!
Today I see it as the antics of a child looking for attention but, also as an unconscious need. The first step on my own path towards a spiritual practice. Years later the writings of Emmet Fox and Ernest Holmes lead me the Church of Religious Science but, I’m also a devout member of the most wonderful church of ‘If it works for you, rock on!’ My philosophy is best expressed by possibly the worst sentence you’ll ever read written by my hand. “I don’t not believe in almost everything!”
Robert Benchley described life after death as “The Great Perhaps!” I love that. There are endless theories and I’m not convinced any one cancels the other. To quote Wayne Dyer, “You’ll see it when you believe it!”
Evolution, reincarnation, resurrection, almost anything that anyone firmly believes in I can easily add to my ‘That might very well be true’ column. I’m not a naysayer. If you believe we’re descendants of aliens, I’m not ready to sign up for the first flight back but, I don’t think you’re either crazy or even wrong. In fact there’s a little ‘wanna be Arthur C. Clarke meets “Coast to Coast AM’ in my DNA that sometimes has me looking at myself and wondering where I really came from. During my twenties when the occasional psychedelic substance was added to the equation I would often stare into my own reflection and pronounce, “Hybrid!”
For the uninitiated ‘Coast to Coast AM’ is late night radio devoted to ghosts, goblins, UFO’s and Bigfoot news. My peeps.
What is it about writing a blog that has me sharing things I’ve never even told my children? The truth is I’m fascinated by the great mysteries of the world. How the pyramids were built with stones weighing tons, fitted together so perfectly that a credit card can’t be slipped into the space between them. Gigantic stones but with no quarry’s to provide the building blocks anywhere near the building site. What advanced race managed that mystical task? Crop circles could be stomped into the ground by clever fraternity boys but moving mountains of marble in 2584 B.C.? That’s a mind bender!
It’s too much fun to not not believe. It’s too exciting to accept that there are mysteries beyond solving in my lifetime. But faith is power and I’m a repeat customer at the Deity Deli … praying to and taking comfort from a brilliant collection of Hindu, Buddhist and Christian images. All portals to the loving arms of the God of my understanding I call ‘The Big Amigo’
There’s a wonderful quote by Sir Arthur Eddington. A comment on the Uncertainty Principle in quantum physics. “Something unknown is doing we don’t know what.” Ah, that explains it.
I’m not at all sure what that something is but for now I’ll pray to the heavens, whisper in Ganesh’s ear, mumble ‘Namaste’ to my brothers and sister seekers and live my life willing to believe in a Higher Power that is all about Love and Service. The Dahli Lama says his religion is simply kindness. That’s something I can hang onto as I celebrate my life in Gratitude and Trust.
Paul Williams is a singer, songwriter, actor, recovery advocate and has been a fixture on the American cultural scene since the seventies. His book Gratitude and Trust is now available.