THE DIGITAL DILEMMA
I’m a fan of technology. My cell phone, iPad and Laptop provide me with endless opportunities to connect with the people I love, with friends and with family. I can conduct business efficiently from anywhere in the world. All these wonderful devices deliver music to the world as well. There’s some work to be done on that front but that’s another story.
Thru the website, twitter accounts and Facebook pages I can reach out to a whole world of potential new friends. Give me 140 characters to work with and I’m suddenly Jimminy Cricket with sage advice to live by. I only want the best for everyone. What could possibly go wrong?
Honestly? Everything. There’s one big problem with sending a text or an email that I haven’t quite found a way around. Actually, there are a couple of problems. The first is ‘tone’!
I know what I mean when I congratulate you in the language most ‘au current’ The elegant language of the young. ‘Dude, you’re Sick!’
My Stepson says it all the time! It means your wit and humor or skill set is beyond the norm; that you’re an amazing human being. Isn’t that obvious? 21st Century Shelly or Keats? Now when you write to someone, especially someone out of their teens and tell them they’re sick it can put a real damper on a budding friendship
It gets worse. An acquaintance accidentally sent a revealing email to the wrong person. I knew they did it but they didn’t I was amused at the harmless faux pas and sent a friendly little text.
“Guess what? You’ve done it now! You’re gonna die!”
Well, that’s not a great example. If someone wrote that to me I’d call the cops. That constitutes a legal threat. Hold on while I breathe deeply and get my heart rate down.
I’d never write such a thing. But, there are other little exchanges: Things sent with little or no emotional thrust, just comments that are harmless observations which, sadly, delivered to the screen of a cell phone at the wrong time can be seen in a totally unintended light.
Read thru the lens of the reader’s current state of mind, harmless comments can be imbued with additional meaning on the receiving end. Your first clue that you’ve offended may be a cancelled lunch date or a cold, clearly miffed response hurling back. I picture the same human catapult tossing my albums in the trash
What’s missing? Tone. Texture. Humorous inflection in the voice. A sparkle in the eyes that suggests you’re playing. Look how cute I am. I’m being ironic and you used to find that charming.
Try putting that ‘dancing eyebrows’ charm in a message using only 140 characters. You might get slapped.
All this in a world where suddenly everyone’s ending their messages with xx’s and oo’s! Tracey wrote a great blog about this infestation of hugs and kisses as a closer for even business mail.
The second difficulty in digital dialogue is this random delivery method that my various instruments of miscommunication seem to embrace. After a recent exchange with Tracey over a photo we concluded that her choice – a guitar, was more appropriate than the one I’d offered for consideration. Which was of course – a photo of myself. It was not a biggie on my part or hers and we ended an exchange of texts and emails with the matter settled. The guitar made sense
About two minutes after the ‘ ‘that’s settled, have a nice night” messages were exchanged, she received a text I’d sent somewhere near the beginning of the conversation.
‘The photo’s is from the event I describe in the blog so it’s probably perfect.’
Or something like that. Now I know Tracey and she knows me so she quickly wrote back a ‘Fine. If it means that much to you! Use your photo’. But, I detected a little chill.
Not realizing she’d been ‘late mailed!’ I thought … Well, never mind what I thought. It was basically one of those, ‘whew .. wonder what’s going on. She’s in a mood tonight’ And then, very quickly, I realized, she’s looking at an earlier text. Old mail that’s just now floating to the surface. Ah, that’s easy enough to explain. If I can just get her to READ the last message and ignore the one I sent before I’d thought things thru and …
Well, you get the picture. Fortunately, I have an amazing partner and I knew one minute on the phone would be enough to clear the air ..
Or it would have been.. If only my cell hadn’t died right in the mid…
Paul Williams is a singer, songwriter, actor, recovery advocate and has been a fixture on the American cultural scene since the seventies. His book Gratitude and Trust is now available.