SOUND ADVICE
There’s a Far Side cartoon by Gary Larson that’s a personal favorite. It’s a two-panel piece with one side showing a dog owner scolding his dog and the other showing what the dog hears. So, “Okay Ginger, I’ve had it! You stay out of the garbage! Understand Ginger?” In the first panel becomes “Blah, blah Ginger! Blah, blah, blah, Ginger, blah, blah!” in the second.
Very funny. I miss seeing Larson’s daily offerings. I suppose he’s right about the words meaning little or nothing to Ginger. What amazes me is how much animals do perceive from the tone of our voice. Dogs especially.
I had a great old mutt named Tacit who was easily affected by the emotion in my voice. I could be working at my desk with her napping nearby and whisper with a little tension in my voice, “Did you hear that?” She’d lift her head and look around. I’d walk to the closet and with a little more tension add, “What’s in there? What’s in the closet? I think there’s an elephant or a Lamborghini in the closet!”
Tacit would jump up and start smelling the bottom of the closet door. “By God, you’ve got it girl. Bob Hoskins is in there. And he’s got a lawnmower! Get him!” And she’d go nuts. Barking and lunging at the closet door.
She loved the game. I think she knew the only real danger in the house was my medicated imagination. But, the slightest whisper, especially in the middle of the night, would have her lifting her head and looking around for that damned Lamborghini or Lawnmower.
It doesn’t work with my cats. They’re way too evolved for such frivolity.
Remembering Tacit’s response to my emotional tone started me thinking about what we bring to our conversations on a daily basis. What message are we sending at that parallel level of communication? We pick and choose our words carefully but, how aware are we of the impact of our delivery? They’re equally effective tools. Text and tone. The emotional texture of our voice may be even more quickly processed than our words.
There’s an employee of a friend who’s always polite and quietly welcoming when I enter the premises. My friendly greeting is always returned with similar language but they’re joyless words, delivered with a defeatist low energy. “Good to see you too.” can sound like, “I surrender. I don’t have it in me to go on.” She sounds like all is lost and I’m not sure she’s even aware of it. If you ask she’ll reluctantly confess all is well.
Outgoing phone messages are especially informative. Another close friend has a thriving physical fitness business. His voice mail intimidates the hell out of me. His name and clipped instruction to “leave a message.” sound to me like “Hi, James Grown up here. Leave a message but none of your childish crap. No time for that. Hear me?”
Okay, I’m a little too sensitive at times. I admit it. But, the most loving words delivered with a snip and a snap can sound like a drill instructor barking orders. Are you conscious of your auditory affect? I think we all need to be aware of the impact of our attitude.
My older brother Jack passed away a few years ago. Sober many years when he died, his love of life was evident in every word he offered. He began every conversation with a three-octave greeting. “Hi ya Bud!” was so joyous it would always make me smile.
My younger brother Mentor has the same happy habit. “Hi my Paulie” has a very childlike innocence. It’s caring in both text and tone. You could hear the love no matter what they were saying. “Blah, blah, Paulie, Blah, blah!”
Actors on stage learn early on that a slight movement before delivering a line will pull the audiences attention away from the last actor who’s spoken. The importance of a line can be lost when your attention is on the busty maid dusting stage right. Wait. Okay, I’m back.
The point is the world’s moving faster with shorter attention spans. We need to have someone’s attention before we speak and then be as aware of how we’re sounding as we are of what we’re saying. The fewer mixed messages we send the better our chances of avoiding problems. Mistaken intentions and unintended signals can be destructive to our relationships and to our careers. Confusion is seldom an ally
I hope the most consistent ingredient in my vocal offering is kindness
My old friend and guide Jerry Hunter often asked me “How are you treating the world today?” Better than I used to, Jerry. And by improving the way I communicate with that world my friends and four legged favorites will know how blessed I feel to have them share these sweet days of gratitude and trust.
Paul Williams is a singer, songwriter, actor, recovery advocate and has been a fixture on the American cultural scene since the seventies. His book Gratitude and Trust is now available.