AUNTIE VENOM
Who hates you? “Yikes”, you scream. “What a rude and weird question! Nobody hates me. I’m really, really lovable.”
Okay. But chances are, if you’re a normal earthling, when you think about it for a moment or two someone will come to mind. Right about now you should be remembering old “what’s-his-name”, the creep who refused your perfect apology. Or you suddenly find yourself picturing Auntie Venom, the family member that doesn’t like anybody and has a special case of “Yuck” she saves for the sight of you.
You may or may not have earned the disgust, disapproval, distrust, distress or fevered dismay your name and image invoke in the mind of your detractor. Many of us perfectly honorable and clearly likable people have someone in our past or present that is not a fan.
Who hates you?
If the question has you locking your doors, I apologize. Let me back off a little. Who really doesn’t like you? Most of us have that special someone that just can’t stand the thought, sight or news of us. No matter how hard we’ve tried to show them how wonderful we are it’s a no sale.
Coming to grips with the fact that there are lost causes that there may always be people we can’t convince of our worthiness is tough. The ego wants to race in and convince the world that we’re terrific. Tracey and I write extensively about putting up with problematic people in our book “Gratitude and Trust, Six Affirmations that will Change Your Life” She’s come up with some remarkable direction in coping with the inescapable but disastrous dudes!
But there are people you’re never going to please. You may have bent over backwards to reclaim a friend and wound up with nothing for your effort but a backache. When a car is running away with you, out of control, the brake is your best friend. At the very least neutral is another solution. And at a certain point giving up on trying to fix the unfixable is the smart choice.
Giving up. Not giving in. You haven’t lost an argument when you chose not to fight. And continuing to think about or obsess over someone who will never, ever have anything good to say about you is giving the problem permanent space in you head
There is a lovely place where we can look at ourselves in the mirror and say, “Case closed Kiddo! You’re never gonna fix this one. Stop trying. Time to wrap your arms around the ones you love that love you back.
Acceptance may be the anti-venom to Auntie Venom. Accept the fact that there may be a few people that aren’t worth the work
When you’ve cleaned up your side of the street you can take a deep breath and say “enough” to the bad news unbearables. Auntie Venom may keep spreading manure on your name, but you can come out smelling like a rose in the end by letting go and remembering there’s life and love on the corner of Gratitude and Trust.
Paul Williams is a singer, songwriter, actor, recovery advocate and has been a fixture on the American cultural scene since the seventies. His book Gratitude and Trust is now available.