Aug 6 2013

Paul Williams

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Mistakes

ASLEEP AT THE KEYBOARD

ASLEEP AT THE KEYBOARD

 

I care deeply for a number of people in this world.  My family of course.  My friends and associates.  Their happiness and comfort are of major importance to me.  And yet, there are times when you’d never know that.

I can be remarkably thoughtless.  And the realization is like a slap in the face.  Or perhaps more like the slap on a newborns bottom that causes that first gulp of air and the new life that follows.

Yes, there are moments in my life that I create by my not hearing .. not listening to the world around me that are my least favorite in this marvelous life I’ve been given.  Moments like totally shocking wake up calls.  Those morning alarms that snap you so quickly awake that you are confused by consciousness and have no idea where you are.

A recent exchange of emails with an associate that I like very much is the perfect example of me being thoughtlessly asleep at the wheel. Or in this case asleep at my keyboard.  In discussing a potential business transaction I received a message that began with a detailed account of her husbands health problems and impending surgery.  She then went on to discuss her willingness to enter the arrangement she’d been offered.

I answered her message with great enthusiasm for her commitment to the deal we’d discussed.  A partner in the affair and a closer friend had been cc’d on the exchange and her response began with deep concern for the husband and an offer of sympathy and support.

Paulie, I thought, you are a horses ass!  You are a thoughtless, self obsessed little pig.  Where was your empathetic response in the email chain.  Nowhere! I was ashamed of myself. And then I did what I’ve been taught to do.   I turned my attention to correcting the mistake.  I wrote and apologized for ignoring that most important part of her message AND her life!  I copied my partner so she’d witness my mea culpa and then I thought seriously about how I was living my life.

Recovery is a process.  Not an event.  I don’t know who said that but, I’d add that it’s a series of events that are major life lessons when consciously observed and responded to. They are a chance for growth.   While my ignoring the news of the ill husband may have had little or no impact on the person I was writing it had a profound effect on me.

I’m not a bad guy.  I know that.   But, my behavior is flavored by self interest as much as anyone’s is and I have to be aware of that.  Too much of any seasoning will spoil the stew.

“I will learn from my mistakes and not defend them” is one of the affirmations in the book Tracey and I are writing. Today was a day when those words, spoken with commitment and desire to be a better man made a difference in my life today.  I’m grateful and trust that sharing this information is the right thing to do.

 

 

 

 

Paul Williams

Paul Williams is a singer, songwriter, actor, recovery advocate and has been a fixture on the American cultural scene since the seventies. His book Gratitude and Trust is now available.