May 8 2014
Family, Forgiveness, Hanging In There, Love
MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS – THE CORD OF LOVE
This weekend is Mother’s Day and all the moms will hopefully get some TLC and recognition for their work on what can sometimes be the battlefield known as mothering.
“You know mothers and daughters” is often what you hear when mothers and or daughters are complaining about the other. Because as joyful as it is – it is full of real struggles.
I don’t know any other relationship that can go from totally full on high-octane anger and accusations to total and complete love. There is something that connects mothers and daughters that is like nothing else
I know from myself, I can go from being beyond furious at one of my daughters to within seconds being filled with such love it’s overwhelming.
Sometimes my younger daughter will ask how I can forgive her sister so quickly when I have been so mad and I say “I just love you guys so much. It’s a mom thing.” Love usually wins out if you let it. And oddly you don’t have to work that hard to find it. It’s right there. It comes with the kid; Like a battery pack and a camera.
I don’t think you really understand what it means to be a mother until you are one. Not a week goes by that I don’t say to one of my girls, “You will never get why I feel this way until you have a child of your own.”
I usually get the response “I will never behave like you do.” I just can’t wait to see them behave exactly as I do. As there are so many moments I behave just like my mother.
It’s not secret I have had issues with my mother. And she would tell you she has had issues with me.
But at the end of the day love won out. She can still push my buttons. And I know there are things about me that drive her crazy at times. But we have a shorthand, we can say one thing that takes us back to that place of affection, shared experience and some weird cord that is almost impossible to sever.
To be a mother and to be a daughter means you learn to forgive. You learn to forget. Words spoken in haste and anger can be taken back. Bad behavior is forgotten in a way it is not in many other connections.
I can write “xoxoSpoon” and I am back in my mother’s good graces. I can write NUG and I know Taylor instantly feels warmth towards me. I can send Lucy a picture of a puppy in the middle of the day and I get hearts back. We know the sweet spots as well as we know the trigger points.
I find joy in things my mother does now that I don’t think I would have before I was a mother, before she and I both started to age. She takes painting and makes baskets, and has her knitting group come to her house. When she says something that pushes my buttons ( which all mothers do to their daughters because it’s part of the relationship) I think about her painting in her kitchen or picking up pine needles at 85 to take to her basket weaving and I can’t do anything but love her.
My older daughter can drive me crazier than almost anyone ever has. But this morning before she left for work she came in and sat on our bed, all dressed up and full of enthusiasm for her day ahead and I just couldn’t do anything but love her to death.
My younger daughter is yet to cause me any of the moments of grief the other two have; partially because of where she comes in the order and partially because of who she is. But she can bark at me like a dog when I am loving and motherly and she wants her space . She hurts my feelings as all kids do, especially as they try and seperate. But then I walk in her room and see her playing her Harry Potter trivia, she wriggles her nose at me and my heart melts.
I think the older you get the more you value your parents. Some people don’t really understand how much they loved their mother until they are gone.
I see a love my mother has for her mother now that I never saw for years. It was clearly always there, but it really kicked in after she was gone.
Nothing makes me happier than when all the mother daughter relationships in my life are working.
I can have success at something but if I’m fighting with my mother or there is some issue with one of my girls I am rendered miserable.
Sunday we celebrate mothers; but for those of us still lucky enough to have mothers we should remember to be good daughters and sons every day. And those of us who are mothers, we need to relish all the moments as it’s a totally evolutionary relationship. Yet it is totally stuck forever in one place – the center of your heart.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY