Communication is really dependant on one question, “How focused are you on Principles?” Do you even know what a Principle is?
The Principles I am talking about serve to define behavior and outcomes. In science, a principle would define the physical behavior of an element and how it works in the world. If the behavior is consistent and predictable a Principle can become a law, like the law of gravity. Scientist’s, like Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton, conjured up new theories and used Principles to define behavior and predict outcomes. Those outcomes translated into scientific laws which were used to steer space ships, build computers, and create atomic bombs.
Do Principles like these exist that we can use to understand and heal our relationships? In fact they do!
In the 4th and 3rd centuries BC, philosopher’s, like Socrates, Plato and Aristotle, conjured up ideas and theories on the basics of cause and effect. Some of their fundamental ideas sought to explain what motivated human behavior and help humanity develop consistency in judgment, character and virtue. Later, other spiritual breakthroughs in India, Greece, and Persia, led to the appearance of great spiritual teachers like Jesus, Buddha and Mohammed; and great teachings like Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism and Christianity. From them and modern mystics like Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry David Thoreau, Freud, Jung and William James, we have been provided with many rudimentary Principles that help us understand the dynamics we find and experience in our relationships. Over time, these contributions have led to the development of the Science of Psychology, Psychiatry and spiritual philosophies that strengthen and clarify relationships and teach us how to apply love, compassion and forgiveness.
In relationships, a Spiritual Principle works to describe an observable truth like Peace. For instance, “Can ending a relationship heal the confusion of shame and blame? If ending a relationship doesn’t heal the confusion of shame and blame, will it be dragged into the next relationship?” This is a common question that can be argued in a number of ways. But the real question is, “Are there ways to apply and use a Principle like Peace to complete a relationship and heal the confusion caused by the shame and blame bombs often used to blow up the lines of communication?”
For instance, if I say to you, “Can we talk?” Is the question a threat or simply a request? It all depends on your tone of voice and intention. If, for instance, I am feeling that sense of otherness created by my feelings of betrayal, I better remove myself from any conversation until I can refocus my thoughts and see the person I want to talk with as a human being and not an object like a cheater.
A good question to ask is, “Am I looking for a way to peacefully ask questions, or am I looking for a way accuse, judge, or condemn?” Of course you know the answer, but you may not be aligned with a Principle that would edit your words and change the way you ask the question.
One way to clear your mind and stay focused on the way you want to be heard is to remind yourself why the Principle of Peace matters and your feelings of uncertainty do not matter. Why your tone of voice, if motivated by anger or fear, will not lead to the conversation you want. After all, it’s easy to judge and accuse, but more important to edit your feelings and peacefully inquire. From How to Spiritually Complete a Relationship, available as an EBook at http://cslwritersworkshop.com/new-books-available/
Wisdom is a very important aspect of living and people often a miss the simplicity of what it means to live in Principle versus what it means to live in the reaction. It is impossible to live in Gratitude if you’re stuck in resentment or anger. This is the beauty of a Principle. It can be the working definition of behavior and motivation functioning from moment to moment as you encounter the human default position of fear!